Yesterday morning was a bit unsettling. First off, I was having a dream where I was a student and my group was designated with planning the assassination of Jesus. Not Hey-Zeus, but the "I was nailed to a chunk of wood" guy. I don't know about you, but when I go to sleep I want to enjoy an evening of rest and relaxation. But no, I get to work even harder than when I am awake.
Fortunately, I was jarred awake by my son's crying. So I jerked out of bed apparently leaving part of my soul behind and it was trying to play catch-up the rest of the morning. So I grab my son and we do our morning ritual of hanging out in Mom and Dad's room until Linds is done getting ready. I was lying in bed watching GMA after Linds and the boy had wandered off to have breakfast, when a real life John Woo moment occurred. As if in a movie, and TOTALLY in slow motion, I stare at the television and from the bathroom door (just left of the TV) a bird, yes a real live f'in bird, flies into my room and lands on the chair next to the TV.
I paused a moment to see if Tom Cruise was also going to show up, but alas, he must still be in the closet.
The bird was either Jesus' way of saying "Don't mess with Jebus", or my cats had brought me a gift. I just assumed it was the latter. I then spent the next twenty minutes trying to catch the poor thing. Having been hunted by three cats for an evening, I am sure the bird was saying to itself "Great, now the giant, featherless, two-legged meat sack is after me." I managed to catch it and then walked out onto my deck to let it go. When I walked back in, Linds looked at me like I was crazy. I told her I was just letting the poor creature go, and that is when she told me I should have done it with more than just some boxers on.
Cut to lunch time. I am supposed to meet my brother for lunch, and after sculpting like a mad-man, Linds and I decided we would just head out, since we couldn't get a hold of him. We jump on the interstate (the shortest and quickest route to food) and as we get closer to our exit, it says that that part of the interstate is closed due to an accident, and to take an alternate route.
Not a problem, as I know the city pretty well, so we decide to make lemonade from this lemon and swing by my brother's apartment to see if he is there. We take the interstate to the Harrison street exit, up to 144th and 'L' street and notice that the traffic is completely stopped again. This time a train had stopped on the tracks, in the middle of the day, blocking one of the busiest streets. I suppose Jebus works in mysterious ways. So I decide to take a shortcut, and wrap my way around the tracks to get back on course.
I manage to skirt all of the stopped traffic, back-track a little to the opposite side of the train tracks only to find the train had moved on and now I was behind all of that stopped traffic, essentially crawling to their destinations. At this point I am getting frustrated beyond belief. All I want is something to eat and to be done with it.
I make my way to my brother's apartment only to find he isn't even there (waste of gas), then make my way to PF Chang's (or Puff Changs, as Linds and I like to call it) for lunch. I get to the turnabout near Westroads Mall when I get stuck behind the SLOWEST MAN ON EARTH! 20 mph is death-defying speeds to this guy. It takes two minutes to go ten blocks and I am then seething. (I get it Jebus...)
I finally pull into Puff Changs, step out of my car, get one foot on the curb, then for some reason only Jebus can explain, I apparently forget how my legs work and end up teetering on the curb for ten seconds, unable to go forward or backwards. Fortunately, Linds stifled her laugh long enough to pull me to safety...
We walk in, get sat and then notice Puff Changs has raised their prices almost $2 on everything! Linds offers to leave, but I was so hungry, so frustrated, that I would be damned if I was going anywhere else.
Moral here; If you aticipate dreaming of planning the assassination of a person believed to be dead for 2000 years, but that person holds a sacred title, be aware that crazy shit will befall you.